With the 2023/24 Premier League set to kick off soon, it’s time for me to announce my Premier League predictions to the world loud and proud. Who I think will finish where, and why. I’ve procrastinated my predictions up until now, and we don’t have a lot of time for a long introduction. Let’s begin.
20: Bournemouth
Points: 33
Best Player: Marcus Tavernier
Top Scorer: Dominic Solanke (10)
Best Signing: Milos Kerkez
Breakout Player: Antoine Semenyo
Worst Signing: Hamed Junior Traore
Biggest Disappointment: Marcos Senesi
The unfortunate recipient of the 2023/24 Wooden Spoon will be Bournemouth. Despite finishing last, it won’t necessarily be an abysmal campaign. They’ll only be 4 points from safety, and players like Milos Kerkez, Dominic Solanke, Marcus Tavernier, Antoine Semenyo, and Dango Ouattara will attract suitors willing to pay big.
20th is 20th, however. Hamed Junior Traore will have a series of nagging injuries and will fail to distinguish himself when he is playing, Marcos Senesi will find himself in too many awkward situations and won’t do well, and Bournemouth will kick off a long spell in the Championship because of this season.
19: Everton
Points: 36
Best Player: Jordan Pickford
Top Scorer: Dominic Calvert-Lewin (12)
Best Signing: Arnaut Danjuma
Breakout Player: Thomas Cannon
Worst Signing: Ashley Young
Biggest Disappointment: Vitaliy Mykolenko
Nope. Not again. Everton won’t escape again this season. After finishing 16th and 17th in consecutive seasons, Everton surely won’t survive again. At this point, perhaps relegation is the best thing for Everton, as they’re running on fumes at this point. Despite making 36 million in sales, they’ve only been able to make a free transfer and a loan.
I also don’t know why people are fooled by Arnaut Danjuma after his underwhelming spell with Spurs last season. Their other signing, Ashley Young, is 38, has been playing top level football for the last 20 years and surely must be feeling the strain now. While I have put Danjuma as Everton’s best signing, I think both will disappoint.
18: Sheffield United
Points: 36
Best Player: Anel Ahmedhodzic
Top Scorer: Daniel Jebbison (9)
Best Signing: Yasser Larouci
Breakout Player: Daniel Jebbison
Worst Signing: Anton Trusty
Biggest Disappointment: Rhian Brewster
With BOTH Iliman Ndiaye and Sander Berge gone, Sheffield United pretty much only has Anel Ahmedhodzic from the Championship at this point. With Enda Stevens and Billy Sharp also gone, they don’t even have many leaders in the dressing room.
Rhian Brewster will also look even worse than he did last time he was in the Premier League, and Daniel Jebbison will have to pick up the slack in attack. Anton Trusty will prove to be a misnomer, and will show why Arsenal never used him. Yasser Larouci will show to be a promising full back, but as he’s only there on loan and Sheffield will get relegated, the news will only be good for the team that signs him next summer.
17: Luton
Points: 37
Best Player: Pelly-Ruddock Mpanzu
Top Scorer: Tahith Chong (8)
Best Signing: Tahith Chong
Breakout Player: Pelly-Ruddock Mpanzu
Worst Signing: Marvelous Nakamba
Biggest Disappointment: Carlton Morris
Luton will survive this season, and it will look like a movie’s unfolded before our very eyes. They’ll be in the relegation spots starting on matchday 4, while being bottom of the league for at least 20 weeks, but toward the end of the season they’ll string together a few results to close the gap on safety before getting a last gasp draw on the final day to survive. It will be one of the greatest stories in Premier League, and I will look like a genius.
Behind this miracle will be Tahith Chong, punching in with 8, Pelly-Ruddock Mpanzu will look like the English Rodri, Thomas Kaminski will singlehandedly win at least 10 points from his goalkeeping performances, and this team will just look like a brilliant mass that make each other better.
16: Nottingham Forest
Points: 38
Best Player: Danilo
Top Scorer: Taiwo Awoniyi (13)
Best Signing: Matt Turner
Breakout Player: Anthony Elanga
Worst Signing: Ola Aina
Biggest Disappointment: Neco Williams
This transfer window has looked so terrible random for Nottingham Forest, but it’ll somehow work enough to see them survive. Forest got their new #1 just in time, and Matt Turner will impress. While I’d never bank on an American outfield player, they seem to do puzzlingly well when it comes to Premier League Goalkeepers.
Danilo will finally show why he was such a stalwart in Palmeiras’ midfield for so long, running the Forest midfield and attracting interest from the Big 6 clubs. Anthony Elanga will recapture is 21/22 United form for Forest, now that he has more space for creativity. It won’t be a smooth ride, but Forest will be okay.
15: Wolves
Points: 39
Best Player: Matheus Cunha
Top Scorer: Matheus Cunha (12)
Best Signing: Boubacar Traore
Breakout Player: Hugo Bueno
Worst Signing: Matt Doherty
Biggest Disappointment: Matheus Nunes
Wolves SHOULD be relegated. My brain and my heart tell me they should be relegated this season. They are in financial ruin, Lopetegui has left just days before their first game, and nothing is certain for the club. However, the rest of the league is just at too low of a standard to see them go down, in my opinion.
I don’t know how it’ll happen, especially as Matheus Nunes will disappoint, but it just will. A string of results late on will get them out of the relegation spots, and they’ll just make it. Matheus Cunha and Boubacar Traore will do well, Hugo Bueno will also be very impressive and turn heads this season, and Gary O’Neil will do just enough.
14: Fulham
Points: 41
Best Player: Bernd Leno
Top Scorer: Harry Wilson (9)
Best Signing: Calvin Bassey
Breakout Player: Luke Harris
Worst Signing: Raul Jimenez
Biggest Disappointment: Issa Diop
TECHNICALLY, Fulham will suffer second season syndrome. They’ll only be clear of relegation by 5 points, will suffer dearly from the sale of Aleksandar Mitrovic, and they’ll look a shadow of their 22/23 selves.
However, they’ll still finish 14th. They’ll still be in the 6-team relegation battle, but will be the best of the 6. However, this season will still be worrying for Fulham, and after Raul Jimenez flops, they’ll have to find a bona fide #9.
13: Crystal Palace
Points: 50
Best Player: Eberechi Eze
Top Scorer: Michael Olise (10)
Best Signing: Matheus Franca
Breakout Player: Matheus Franca
Worst Signing: Jefferson Lerma (will still do well)
Biggest Disappointment: Odsonne Edouard
If you couldn’t tell, I like Matheus Franca. As a player of course. While some think that Crystal Palace may struggle without Zaha, I think Eze, Olise, and Franca have been signed for just this occasion. Combine this with Palace’s consistent finishes near the top of the bottom half, and they’ll be fine. They won’t even be seriously in the relegation battle.
Perhaps Eze, Olise, and Franca could attract serious interest by the likes of Chelsea, Liverpool, and Man United at the end of the season, in which case Palace would have a hard time keeping them. However, they should be fine for this season.
12: West Ham
Points: 52
Best Player: Jarrod Bowen
Top Scorer: Jarrod Bowen (15)
Best Signing: Edson Alvarez
Breakout Player: Conor Coventry
Worst Signing: Only made 1 signing
Biggest Disappointment: Tomas Soucek
Many people have West Ham in the relegation battle, and I can see it after losing Declan Rice and the disillusionment of David Moyes, after finishing 15th, but I think they’ll do better than everyone expects.
Being in Europe, it requires a very high level of professionalism that West Ham will have to conform to. I can’t really explain it, but West Ham will just put everything together and have a good season, for their expectations.
11: Aston Villa
Points: 52
Best Player: Ollie Watkins
Top Scorer: Ollie Watkins (16)
Best Signing: Moussa Diaby
Breakout Player: Jhon Duran
Worst Signing: Youri Tielemans
Biggest Disappointment: Douglas Luiz
Aston Villa will have a disappointing season this season, and they won’t finish above Spurs and Chelsea again. I think Pau Torres and Moussa Diaby are good and will eventually come good for Villa, but they will have to settle to life in Birmingham.
Ollie Watkins will have another great season, and could attract interest from a team like Tottenham next summer if Harry Kane leaves then, and he’ll be the best player in this team by a margin. However, they’ll do well in the Conference League.
10: Brentford
Points: 54
Best Player: Nathan Collins
Top Scorer: Ivan Toney (10)
Best Signing: Nathan Collins
Breakout Player: Kevin Schade
Worst Signing: Mark Flekken
Biggest Disappointment: Aaron Hickey
Another good season by Brentford, who’ve cemented their status as a Premier League regular. Yes, I know that Ivan Toney won’t be back until 2024, I still think he’ll be Brentford’s top scorer.
They won’t be a fun team to watch this year, with most of their wins being 1-0 or 2-1, and they’ll rarely play games in which 3 goals are scored between both teams. While I have put Flekken as their “worst signing”, he’ll still do quite well, and Nathan Collins will just be more important.
9: Burnley
Points: 55
Best Player: Benson Manuel
Top Scorer: Zeki Amdouni (11)
Best Signing: James Trafford
Breakout Player: Ameen Al-Dakhil
Worst Signing: Lawrence Vigouroux
Biggest Disappointment: Josh Brownhill
Huh?? I know, but Burnley will surprise many this season. Vincent Kompany will prove himself as one of the premier young managers in the world, and this revolutionized Burnley team will produce some great young talents, such as Benson Manuel, Zeki Amdouni, James Trafford, and Ameen Al-Dakhil. This isn’t your dad’s Burnley, and the future is bright at Turf Moor.
8: Spurs
Points: 62
Best Player: Heung-Min Son
Top Scorer: Harry Kane (24)
Best Signing: Micky van de Ven
Breakout Player: Alejo Veliz
Worst Signing: Guglielmo Vicario
Biggest Disappointment: Richarlison
My opinion? Harry Kane stays at Spurs, after all this. He scores 24, the second most in the Premier League, but Heung-Min Son will after getting at least 15 goals and 10 assists. With 2 great players, how do Spurs finish 8th? In the Premier League, a 2-man team wins nothing. I don’t think the players around Son and Kane will be good enough to get them back in Europe.
Guglielmo Vicario won’t have a good season this year, as I’ve explained in a previous post, Richarlison will have an even worse year this year, and the whole team will suffer.
Editor Jim here. This is awkward. Just assume Heung-Min Son scores the 24 goals Harry Kane would have scored. I see no leaps of logic there.
7: Chelsea
Points: 64
Best Player: Enzo Fernandez
Top Scorer: Raheem Sterling (10)
Best Signing: Axel Disasi
Breakout Player: Lesley Ugochukwu
Worst Signing: Nicolas Jackson
Biggest Disappointment: Thiago Silva
While it’s another mediocre season for Chelsea, it’s one of improvement. Enzo Fernandez starts to realize his price tag, Axel Disasi becomes a staple in Chelsea’s back line, and Lesley Ugochukwu will become what Carney Chukwuemeka was promised to be.
After finishing 7th, Chelsea will finally get European football, maybe not the competition they wanted, but they’ll improve massively from their disaster last season.
6: Brighton
Points: 65
Best Player: Kaoru Mitoma
Top Scorer: Evan Ferguson (14)
Best Signing: Bart Verbruggen
Breakout Player: Facundo Buonanotte
Worst Signing: Joao Pedro
Biggest Disappointment: Pervis Estupinan
It may seem confusing how I’ve got Brighton 6th after losing Moises Caicedo, Alexis Mac Allister, and Robert Sanchez. I think they’ve got ready-made replacements. Also, the Europa League requires a higher level of professionalism than simply league games, and Brighton will have to adopt that level, which I believe they will. As a side effect, they’ll also do quite well in the league.
Evan Ferguson, Bart Verbruggen, and Facundo Buonanotte will also prove to be perfect replacements to all the departed stars. Ferguson especially will break out and prove himself as one of the best strikers in the league. Mitoma will also have the season of his life and prove that he deserves to be on a big 6 team.
5: Man Utd
Points: 71
Best Player: Bruno Fernandes
Top Scorer: Antony (13)
Best Signing: Andre Onana
Breakout Player: Shola Shoretire
Worst Signing: Mason Mount
Biggest Disappointment: Marcus Rashford
Relax United fans, after this “amazing” transfer window, how do you possibly finish lower than last year? Well, let me tell you. After impressing last season, Marcus Rashford and Luke Shaw will have disappointing seasons, because that’s just their pattern.
While Onana will be United’s best signing, by no means will he be 2017 David de Gea, he’ll barely be 2020 de Gea. That just goes to show my opinion of their transfer window. Also, even if Mason Greenwood makes his contreversial return, after nearly 2 years away from the sport, he’ll be a skeleton of his former self.
Also, don’t worry. With new Champions League format rules allowing 1 more UCL qualification spot to the 2 nations who’s teams do the best in Europe starting this season, United will still likely qualify for the UCL.
4: Liverpool
Points: 74
Best Player: Darwin Nunez
Top Scorer: Darwin Nunez (20)
Best Signing: Dominik Szoboszlai
Breakout Player: Ben Doak
Worst Signing: Alexis Mac Allister
Biggest Disappointment: Virgil van Dijk
While they won’t be back to prime Liverpool, Klopp’s men will look like a much better team this season, and their signings will prove a great fit for the team. Also, Liverpool will have their annual humiliation of Man Utd, beating them 5-0 at Anfield and 4-1 at Old Trafford.
This will be the season where it’s confirmed that Virgil van Dijk’s prime is over. He was never really the same after the Jordan Pickford tackle. It will become painfully obvious this season.
3: Newcastle United
Points: 78
Best Player: Bruno Guimaraes
Top Scorer: Alex Isak (15)
Best Signing: Sandro Tonali
Breakout Player: Lewis Miley
Worst Signing: Tino Livramento
Biggest Disappointment: Harvey Barnes
They’re doing it again. People are saying that Newcastle will fall this season because they’ll be distracted with UCL football, but they’ve improved a lot this season. One game with Bruno Guimaraes and Sandro Tonali’s Newcastle reservations will be gone. This team looks dangerous.
Alex Isak will be better than ever this season, Bruno Guimaraes will prove himself as a 100m talent, and Lewis Miley will impress in his short spells with the first team too.
2: Arsenal
Points: 81
Best Player: Bukayo Saka
Top Scorer: Bukayo Saka (22)
Best Signing: Declan Rice
Breakout Player: Brooke Norton-Cuffy
Worst Signing: Kai Havertz
Biggest Disappointment: Gabriel Jesus
Arsenal will finish 2nd again, but fortunately, they won’t get their hopes up for the majority of the season again. They’ll do well in their first season back in the Champions League, they’ll win either the League Cup or FA Cup, but the Premier League will be far out of their reach.
Bukayo Saka will score the 3rd-most goals in the league this season, cementing his place among the world’s best, and he’s still only 21. Declan Rice will also impress and become an undroppable of this squad. Arsenal will have nothing to be ashamed of this season.
1: Man City
Points: 92
Best Player: Erling Haaland
Top Scorer: Erling Haaland (34)
Best Signing: Josko Gvardiol
Breakout Player: Dario Sarmiento
Worst Signing: Mateo Kovacic
Biggest Disappointment: John Stones
So you’re telling me that the treble winners just signed a 90m-valued young defender and has the same basic core as last year? They can only finish in one position, and it won’t even be close.
They’ll also be the only ever team to be in 1st position the entirety of the season ater beating Burnley by 5 or 6 today. At points they’ll be 20-25 points ahead of the competition before cooling the jets to focus on other competitions late into the season. It’s crazy how a team can lose Ilkay Gundogan and Riyad Mahrez and still be a-ok. No, they’re even better, in fact.
These are my Premier League predictions for another year. I know, I procrastinated until the literal day the league opens, but I needed to express my true thoughts. I guess I’ll see you in May to look back on these. Jeez, that’s a long time away. Until next time.