Bob’s Ridiculous NBA 2022 Offseason Rumours.
In a follow up to our last post, a few more from the ridiculous rumours department since it seems every sports commentator is overflowing with them at the moment.
It is rumoured that LeBron James is furious with his legacy. After nearly 20 years spent crafting his legacy to support the narrative that he is the GOAT basketball player, LeBron is said to be so disappointed with his legacy that he is shopping for a new one. Rumour has it he has contacted Kelly Anne Conway and is learning about ‘alternate facts.’
Rumour has it that James Harden is suing the Milwaukee Bucks for stealing the catch phrase, ‘Fear the Deer.’ Harden contends that it is a blatant ripoff of his ‘Fear the Beard’ catch phrase and that the Bucks used it and won a championship with it. Harden said, “They didn’t even offer me a ring. I can’t stand for that.”
Russell Westbrook is rumoured to be finishing his PHD in Physics and believes his thesis stands a pretty good chance of winning a Nobel prize. He said, “Sure Sir Issac Newman proved that gravity pulled a ball down, but nobody has proved yet why it bounces back up. I call it bouncy gravity.”
James Dolan is rumoured to be going on a cost cutting exercise after breaking the bank to pay for bench warmer Jalen Brunson. It is said that Dolan is getting rid of everything that doesn’t pull it’s own weight including the ‘k’ in Knicks. “When was the last time you ever heard anyone pronounce it the k-nicks?” Do you k-now how much we’ll save on print?
Rumour has it that Jeannie Buss has reached out to Phil Jackson again in an attempt to find a management solution to an obvious player problem. According to Phil, “I told her I was ready to say anything she wanted to hear that gave me a chance to make more money and be relevant again if even for a short time.”
Rumour has a reason has been found for why Steven A Smith talks so much but doesn’t say anything of any value. Apparently, his Agent negotiated his contract by the word. “Doesn’t matter if it makes any sense, sense, sense,” said Smith. “ Every and I mean every, every single word that comes out of this mouth makes me money so why would I stop talking? I got a family to feed!”
Rumour has it the NBA Board of Governors is talking about plans to hold a tournament between every regular season game. They’re calling it the Mr. Krabs plan: Money, Money, Money, Money Money!!!!! When asked, apparently the players union shrugged and said, “As long as we get our cut and can still complain about the atrocious working conditions, we’re alright with it.”