Bob’s Best NBA Fake News and Rumours 2022 Version
Brought to you by the boredom of the 2022 NBA, Jim and I are digging really deep today in order to bring you, faithful Readers, some inspired rumours we would love to see this offseason.
LeBron James was asked why he keeps pushing for a greater share of NBA monies to the best players when socially he is an advocate for equality. “Really great players got to be compensated not just for themselves but for their talent,” he replied. When you take the cash I make and divide it between me and all my talents, I’m barely making the vet minimum and I don’t believe that’s fair.”
Russell Westbrook appeared confused the other day when a reporter asked him if he was discouraged by all the trade rumours. “No,” he responded, “I can’t control what happens on the floor when I’m not on it and if I don’t have the ball I can’t control what happens and if I shoot I don’t have control over what happens after that and I don’t have any control over the officials. So yes, I am encouraged, not discouraged, which I’m not even sure is a real word, by having the opportunity to help my teammates whenever they give me the opportunity.”
It’s rumored the Clippers are sitting Kawhi Leonard and Paul George for the entire season 2022-2023 in order to make sure they’re ready for the playoffs. Additionally, Steve Balmer has ordered the two stars to be fitted with body balls when practicing on the court until bionic bodies are completed.
Turns out after 21 years 5’3” Muggsy Bogues spent 14 years in the NBA, he reveals his real last name was Bogus and he was actually 7 feet tall. “I could really make myself look short,” Muggsy said. “My joints are very flexible.”
The Sacramento Kings revealed their new corporate motto. True to Sacmo’s history, they chose:
“Where talent comes to die.” When asked why this brutal honesty, Team President John Rinehart said, “It’s better if the youngsters and their parents know right from the beginning. It’ll cut down on so many questions I can reduce my staff by 8 people and save $23,000 to my bottom line and that will earn me a $2.5 million dollar bonus.
James Dolan revealed today why he’s never signed any superstars to propel the Knicks into any sort of legitimacy. “It never made any sense because the Garden was sold out every night. And besides, I’m pretty tired of basketball by the middle of April.”
James Harden was applauded by his teammates and fans after giving up $15 million dollars on his contract this season. When asked why he did it, the heavily bearded Harden said, “I gave up how much,” and fainted in front of the cameras.
Kyrie Irving was asked why he believes he’s so much better than everyone else. “You wouldn’t understand it man,” he replied. “I hardly understand it myself and I’m really smartly.”
Kevin Durant was asked why he keeps hanging around Kyrie Irving when Irving comes off as such a flake. He just shrugged his shoulders and said, “You just answered your own question man. I feel really normal around him.”
Shaquille O’Neal was asked if there was any way his wife could be more perfect. “You betcha,” he replied. “I wish her elbow was a foot higher than my groin.”